No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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