I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
