Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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