bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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