I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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