I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
