Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
