I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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