Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
