Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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