im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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