You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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