I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize