Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
