Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
