i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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