thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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