Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
