dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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