Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
