So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
only you would photoshop your dick
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
