Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
