If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
