I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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