Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize