i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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