I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
