You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
