oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
