I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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