why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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