White coat. Heels.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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