um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
