maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
