Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..