She is in my trunk
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.