Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far