so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
