Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
