OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
