I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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