he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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