My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
