I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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