I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
