Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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