Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
