Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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