Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
