Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
