thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
