And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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