Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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