I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
