were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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