I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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