I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
