don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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