she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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