So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
