Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
