I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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