How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
