That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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