he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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