I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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